...And Some Nice Thoughts

I feel myself disappearing from here so quickly.  Each day I try to scratch off an idea or two from my bucket list, while trying to write papers and always adding some new ideas along the way.  It won't all be accomplished, but what is accomplished will be good.

I can't shake the feeling that the trip is over, though.  I have learned some very important lessons.  I have changed considerably, and also started to feel myself changing back into my old self.  I would like to think that the new me is a balance of the old and the new.  My gauge will be if Nate wants anything to do with me when I come back.  Regardless, I like the mixed-up me that I am right now.  Really, really, I do.  I look in the mirror and think of the way that the entire female gender has been punished for centuries for our beauty.  The beauty I see in the mirror when I smile, now... I can see why they are intimidated by us.  And I feel so sad for the women who can't share it with the world.  I am lucky to be a person who is loved and respected.  I think that is what I was not only hoping to learn, but hoping to feel from this trip.  That goal has been achieved with time to spare.

Whenever I travel I think of mundane things at home.  I remember while I was in Brazil I used to daydream about walking to Gilles with my dad and playing games in the yard with the Silvers boys.  This time I have had a few recurring daydreams:

1) Walking arm in arm with Nate wearing my red boots in the slush of Chicago under the L while drinking coffee and freezing.  A true moment to last the test of time.

2) Driving with Nate late at night, desperately trying to find frozen custard.

3) Sitting in our room with the light streaming in and my Barbara Kingsolver novel while The Bad Plus plays on the stereo.

4) Taking long trips to Ikea with my mom.

5) Taking long walks with my mom. (though I sorta lived out that fantasy here, I miss the smell of autumn leaves in Wauwatosa).

6) Brunch with my dad at LuLu's and Honeypie.

7) Every night out with Nate that I can remember.  From our first "real" date at old Trocadero to our horrible date at Palomino's to my ridiculous display on my 22nd birthday at Conjitos to every last minute dinner at BelAir.  

Home couldn't come soon enough, in this moment.